Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
