this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
third nipple confirmed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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