it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
