Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
