im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
