Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
