FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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