I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
