I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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