what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
