He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
