I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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