Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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