Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
