my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
