I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
