Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
