Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
