I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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