I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
