She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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