even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
