my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
