dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
