Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
