"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Never underestimate the power of titties
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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