I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
