I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
