I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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