We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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