At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize