Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
