I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
