So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
