So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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