one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
