You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize