I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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