I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
