i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
