I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
