I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I did not marry a roomba.
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