And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
