Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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