Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
