I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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