This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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