if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
