You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize