Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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