That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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