I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
