OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
