she is the kim kardashian of front butts
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
