I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
