If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize