My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
