Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
