you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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