He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
