blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
