I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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