Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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