i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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