Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
