The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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